The Connection of Soulmates Real or Myth?
Soulmates Connection
The relationship myth of the week is soulmates. The topic of soulmates is interesting to me because I do believe in soulmates. Not the idea of each person being destined and meant for one single person we are seeking to find, or the idea of having a split soul that unites when you find, “the one”. I do believe and have experienced the moment when you click with a soulmate, and you find yourself engaged in conversation and stepping into a more vulnerable space quicker due to being so comfortable.
I am not alone in my belief in soulmates. Around 35% of people believe in soulmates with another 31% believing in soulmates somewhat. So, where did the idea of soulmates come from anyway? It was taught by Plato who quoted the poet Aristophanes that Zeus split each human apart because of his own fear and jealousy. Humans seek to reunite themselves by finding their soulmates. Aristophanes wrote that upon the completion of the quest to find your soulmate, “when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself … the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment.” I must admit those are very beautiful words and could spear mankind into a quest to find, “the right one “. The idea of soulmates has been kept alive in television, movies, poetry, and books throughout the ages. No surprise 66% of people still believe on some level in the concept of soulmates.
Science has shown there is some truth to the concept of soul mates in that we are comfortable with some people more than others. One research study explored this with close friends who identified themselves as soulmates. The research demonstrated we are comfortable with people who have a similar smell to ourselves. Yep, smell, that is one of the keys. Smell and sight are thought to be the main factors which draw us to a person whether that is a romantic partner or a friend we seek something similar to ourselves. Seems we are all looking for our pack, our missing part, a place we feel comfortable, and a place we fit in.
One common consensus around soulmates is the ability to feel comfortable in their company and share deep and meaningful thoughts in a way we would not be comfortable with others. There is a feeling of safety from early in the relationship not just in conversation but also in sitting in silence with each other. There is no need to over-explain, to fill the silence, or create connection because time together is innate and natural.
Another common theme around soulmates is the belief they mirror us and become a resource for self-growth. As soulmates are similar to us, someone we feel fully comfortable with and someone we have an intense connection with, this allows us to reach a more vulnerable state with them. The vulnerable state creates space for conversations around weaknesses, desires, goals, and ways we want to build ourselves. The soulmate’s acceptance provides us with a cheerleader and someone to give us unconditional positive regard. Together you share in the journey, and dreams and have a built-in accountability partner to support you in building a strong sense of self and continued improvement. The soulmate’s influence as a mirror creates a better you. This idea created a little debate within the Hilltop team, so you will need to decide for yourself if this is true.
There are a couple of problems with believing in soulmates. The first problem comes when we are expecting rapture, connectedness, and perfect beauty from a soulmate relationship and then we have conflict. Of course, there will be conflict in relationships, this is healthy and needs to happen. The shock of realizing we have conflict with our soulmate causes us to question the veracity of the relationship. We don’t think about needing to work on the relationship instead go to, “Well I guess they are not the one,” and we move on to another relationship or friendship. The second problem is creating unrealistic expectations around the connection, time together, and understanding from another person. The pressure to be someone’s other half and fulfill their life is overwhelming and will cause the relationship to crumble. Dreams and hearts are dashed quickly when we believe in the fairytale and realize it is just reality.
So, I invite you to explore your beliefs around soulmates and how that impacts your romantic and plutonic relationships. Do you believe in the myth?
-Penney