In the bustling, diverse world of relationships, many couples find themselves striving for a semblance of perfection, embodying the calm and composed duck gliding on the water's surface while concealing the frantic paddling underneath.

This phenomenon, known as "Floating Duck Syndrome," encapsulates the hidden struggles that lie beneath seemingly perfect relationships.

I hear people say all the time, “Why can’t my relationship be like…” and the opposite of, “My guess is they also have problems, don’t all relationships?”

Funny we are all guessing what other people are struggling with, could it be because we mask, pretend, and don’t talk about it?

Bringing the clearing power of spring to your mental health strategies

Last week we focused on how to spring clean our relationships. This week I want to focus on spring cleaning our mental health. We get a burst of energy and creativity with the change in season so we might as well capitalize on this gift of increased productivity.

Join us for 5 days of relationship challenges to spring-clean your relationship

It’s the start of a week of spring cleaning your relationships. We are going to be popping into your inbox a few more times this week to give you some quick tips on how you can implement some spring cleaning into your relationship and ask yourself “Am I showing up the way I want in my relationship?”

In the realm of relationships, trust and trustworthiness lay the foundation upon which intimacy and connection are built. This blog post, delves into these critical elements, providing readers with a deep understanding of their meanings and implications within romantic and other relationships.

Here are some tips for combatting the impact of the time change

The need and benefits of physical touch extend throughout our lifetime. Individuals who are not receiving physical touch describe feelings of being ill at ease, disconnected, dissociated, lonely, isolated, blue, depressed, and maybe even a little listless. I imagine this as like a plant without water becoming droopy.

You are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, you know exercise is important but often the first thing to go when the to-do list gets long and you must choose between deadlines, sleep, or exercise. So, I know you have probably heard this before but here is a quick reminder.  Exercise is important for not only your body but also for your mental health.

While a more traditional approach to goal setting might be more up your alley, we are going to share some of the journal prompts we will be exploring at the New Moon Sound Bath on Saturday. If you want to join feel free to sign up below. Take some time to contemplate these prompts and maybe even set aside some time to journal and create some new intentions for 2024.

The inability to make repairs in conflicts features prominently in lists of factors that contribute to relationship breakdowns or divorce. Unresolved problems often accumulate over time, creating an unbearable strain on the relationship. However, even if the four horsemen of relationship apocalypse (criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt) come into play, successful repair attempts can salvage the relationship.

In every relationship, there is an invisible element that subtly influences the dynamics between the individuals involved. This element is often referred to as the "mental load," Mental load is defined as the mental tasks we carry around which are running in our brains every day, the never-ending to-do list around tasks, worries, things to remember, things we need to manage, what needs to be executed, and when. Carrying a high mental load can lead to burnout, problems in relationships, increased mental health symptoms, and decreased physical health. Understanding the mental load involves deciphering the components of your mental to-do list and the emotional reactions that accompany them. Are you carrying something because it's your responsibility, or are you taking on tasks that others in your relationship could, and should, be helping with? Mental load can sometimes feel unequally distributed, leading to stress and tension between relationship partners so let’s talk about how to reduce the mental load and increase partner connection and understanding.

The holiday season brings with it a mix of emotions from excitement to anxiety. We expect a great deal of ourselves financially, emotionally, physically, and socially. This leaves us coming into January with high levels of depression, burnout, relationship problems, and financial issues. I want to talk about some simple ways to take care of yourself during the holidays. I often hear people talk about doing self-care in ways that I feel can add to our stress and overburden because we feel the need to add something extra or end up in shame for not doing the one thing extra to take care of ourselves. So, let’s discover ways we can care for ourselves and meet the holiday expectations.  

If you are alone on Thanksgiving, consider spending the day being mindful, practicing self-care, connecting virtually, creating new traditions, serving in your community, planning a game day/night with friends, or enjoying outdoor activities. If you want to be invited for a Thanksgiving meal, be proactive, explore community events, take on a service project, help others in need, travel to be with loved ones or reach out through work or social media. Hilltop Wellness wishes you a day filled with love, gratitude, kindness, and peace.

In a world where bodies are only seen and valued for how they look, how can you flip the script and give your body appreciation? Three terms have come up around the view of bodies recently body negativity, body positivity, and body neutrality. Body negativity is a focus on beauty, weight, and the ways our bodies do not measure up to our or society's body standards. Body positivity is a focus on full acceptance of our body being beautiful and pushing to expand society's views on what beauty is. Body neutrality is not focused on what is considered beautiful and accepting but on an overall acceptance of bodies and what bodies do for us. I am going to focus this blog on body neutrality. We are going to spend time talking about how to recognize our body's strengths and what it does for us. I am going to use the same formula I use for couples’ culture of appreciation, so if you have done this skill you will be ahead and we will be tweaking it for our bodies.

In looking at one of the most searched-for topics around the holidays, ‘how to have difficult conversations’ is one that comes up. So, let’s talk about this. For many, families can be a minefield of differing views, opinions, and generational gaps which makes conversations fraught with sticky situations. I know there are many comments made in my office about dreading family gatherings and how to cope with the stress of what to say, not to say, how to escape if needed, when and how to set boundaries, and when to avoid family for our own mental health. So, instead of talking about avoidance let’s talk about ways to be successful.

Parenting through this time of year can bring its own challenges as your child or teen may have some bigger feelings, a harder time transitioning, or a lowered mood. While it may seem more applicable to make these adjustments for ourselves, it may be helpful to understand how you can set up your child's environment to ease them through the fall and winter seasons, changes in activity levels, and lack of exposure to sunlight. Let this blog be a guide for anyone who is going through SADs or Seasonal Affect Disorder specifically those who are caring for a child or teen during this time of the year. 

A relationship where both partners are completely honest, transparent, and open about money equals financial intimacy. Financial intimacy isn’t about having full harmony and agreement on every financial decision but about having a conversation in a productive and calm way where everyone feels heard. 43% of adults report they have been financially unfaithful to their partner.  Financial infidelity is making a large purchase, hiding debt, withdrawing cash, or any other financial matter which is done in secret. Some experts report this can have a greater impact than sexual infidelity due to the mistrust and insecurity that come with dishonesty around money and financial security.  So how do we talk about money, seek financial intimacy, and avoid financial infidelity? 

Do you know how the people in your life want to be appreciated? Building a Culture of Appreciation is a big job. Let’s break it down together. Dr.s John and Julie Gottman’s research has highlighted the importance of appreciation in relationships. Appreciation is recognizing and taking enjoyment from the good qualities of something or someone. I love to think about this definition and how this works in relationships. I want to enjoy time with the people in my life, find joy in the time we are spending together, and get enjoyment from those relationships as they enrich and enliven my life. I also want others to notice my good qualities as I celebrate theirs. So, what is not to love about giving appreciation? However, understanding the beauty of appreciation does not make it easier to be appreciative daily in relationships. In order to bring appreciation daily into our relationships we need to have a plan for making it happen and be mindful of the impact it is having on our lives and relationships.

Despite all the statistics and the struggle around being parents many still chose to be one. So, how do we combat the statistics and make changes to the negative aspects of becoming new parents?