Relationships and Mental Health Struggles
How do we show up in our relationships when our partners have a mental illness?
I have seen firsthand the challenges which come into a relationship when one or both people in the partnership have a mental illness. Mental illness often brings with it lethargy, distractibility, disconnection, changes in mood, shame, and self-doubt. Relationships are difficult without these specific challenges and these added pieces increase the challenge. Here are some tips for coping with a partner with a mental illness.
1. Educate Yourself
Take the time to talk with doctors, clinicians, and family members to learn about the diagnosis and symptoms. Read what you can about the diagnosis from qualified sources. Most important talk to your partner about their symptoms. Everyone’s diagnosis looks and presents in unique ways. I find pictures are an amazing way to get a full understanding of what this looks like for your partner. Ask them to create a slide show or another representation of what their mental health looks like for them.
2. Practice Communication Skills
You are going to need skills for clear and concise communication. Utilize skills to communicate without shame, blame, or dishonesty. You will need to show up in a straightforward and affirming way during conversations.
3. Take Care of Yourself
You are going to need time for yourself. You will need to create an excellent self-care routine and can also encourage your significant other to do the same. Do not be afraid to take time for yourself and learn to let go even if for short periods of time. You will not be able to provide support for them or yourself if you are worn out and emotional. If you are uncertain about different ways to implement self-care, 3 weeks ago I did a blog on this topic you can go reference.
4. Couples and individual Counseling are important
Learning ways to support each other, look for warning signs, and hold space for empathy are important pieces. Seeking professional help will give you both the tools needed for these skills. The Gottmans have specific modifications to their couple treatment for working with couples who have a mental illness or are neurodiverse. Find a counselor trained to provide this treatment.
5. Check in on Expectations
Multiple conversations will need to be had around expectations. Is your partner able to engage at the level you are expecting, complete the tasks as you see them, or have the level of connection you need? Are you able to show up at the level you are expecting, what is your level of judgment, where are you able to provide empathy? Expectations for yourself, your partner, social situations, financial goals, and work will need to be a part of daily life to decrease shame, frustration, burnout, and resentment.