Finding alignment between values and the roles we take on
How to step into new roles 🪜
I am getting ready to become a grandmother… any day now.
I am preparing to take a trip with my partner tomorrow.
I am concerned and checking in with adult children who are ill or struggling.
I am concerned about my parent’s health.
I am preparing taxes and starting a new billing system as a small business owner.
I am refinishing furniture as a dabbler in woodworking.
I am creating budgets as a homeowner and an adult in the world.
These are just a few of the roles I have in life and am balancing at this exact moment in time. Just thinking about all of it creates a feeling of exhaustion and I want to go home to bed. However, who has time for that? I have been thinking a lot about roles as I am soon to be taking on a new one as a grandmother and as with any new beginning this comes with questions about what this role means. I have found myself asking about how I want this to look, what can I give? What does a balance between my wants and others’ wants look like, and how to gracefully allow time and processing for this change?
I have come to some insights on this journey I want to share with all of you this week about my values, my insights, and my supports.
I was speaking with a friend about this change in roles and she said “you are a good mom why would becoming a grandmother be any different?”. Well, for me there is a huge difference. When becoming a mom I had a very defined vision of how I wanted to function in that role. This happened through study and preparation and then years of trial and error to be a good mom. Right now, I am at the beginning of this journey and do not have a vision for what this looks like.
I have a tendency to reinvent the wheel and don’t follow family traditions or role assignments. So, I must decide what this looks like for me.
Reflecting on what my friend said, I began to think about the core values which make me a good mom and how those apply to this new role in my life. I then started to reflect on how my core values impact every role in my life and although the roles change those values do not. I took a minute to sit down with myself and write out my core values and assign ways they can apply to this new role. I now look at this as my compass for new roles.
I strongly recommend taking time to do this assessment. For me, time with others, is more valuable than anything. Kindness and acceptance are next on my list and adventure is also an important one. What are some of your core values? These values are not what others assign to us but how we live our everyday life and what we base decisions around.
I have taken the last 6 months to reflect on what this role means to me and what it means to my life. I know we often do not have that much time to reflect. I was lucky. Taking time to reflect and be insightful is important as it sets the groundwork to take on these new roles from a place of inner alignment.
I have taken time to evaluate what grandparents meant to me during my lifetime and what I wanted to keep and change.
I reflected on the current world and how my personality can best impact the development and support of a new life and new family.
I also took time to reflect on the new family of three and my son and daughter-in-law as a couple.
I have been listening and watching, trying to decide where I fit.
I have had multiple conversations with my partner about how this impacts our own little family.
I have taken a great amount of time to be reflective and gain insight on this situation looking from multiple angles and perspectives. The time of reflection and meditation about new roles is important in our lives, it allows us to act with purpose, confidence, kindness, and calm.
The third part of this process is reaching out for support. I am so fortunate to communicate with a wide variety of humans every week. I hear so many perspectives from such a wide variety of viewpoints and I have taken time to reflect on many of these perspectives and have conversations with others about what new roles mean in their lives. I have also sought support from friends, co-workers, and family members as I have processed and coalesced what this new role for me looks like. Our lives are enriched and improved when we reach out and utilize support and wisdom from the people around us. This is your reminder to reach out and utilize your support systems.
All of us are trying to balance multiple roles in our lives. We are adding to and changing those roles often. I hope each of you can find time to explore your values, insights, and supports around each of these roles to see how they are fitting. Check-in and see if they need adjustments to be more fulfilling or enriching to your life. I also hope we take time to evaluate which roles we have chosen and those we chose not to carry. Evaluate if the role is being done in alignment with your values or someone else’s, as being true to yourself is primary. Good luck to all of you as you balance life roles. I challenge everyone to take time to list their roles and really evaluate them this week.