What Can We Learn from an 85-Year-Long Study on Happiness?
The importance of Social Fitness
Harvard University conducted an 85-year-long study on happiness. Guess what they found out? It is all about frequent good quality connections with other people. For some, this might be surprising, alarming, scary, and frustrating. Regardless of how we feel about it, the writing is on the wall; we need other people. Our brains are built for connection and in order to be happy, have a longer life, and feel less pain we need to be connected often and in a way that refuels and feeds us. Social fitness is a term used to describe the health of our social connections and interactions. So, while we are focused on New Year’s resolutions let’s not forget our social fitness in order to improve our well-being and increase our happiness.
So, what we know is we live in a very lonely world and connection is key to being happy. How do we make that happen? This past weekend I met a very brave individual who was looking up any activity he could find every weekend and then engaging in the activity to meet new people and have connections. I truly admire him and his vulnerability in getting out and making new connections even when it might feel vulnerable to step into new spaces and meet new people. I also really enjoyed what he brought to our group as a new member. If this approach feels too much here are a couple of other options.
Evaluate your current social fitness. Start by asking yourself how much time you are spending with others and what is the quality of those relationships. If there is a lack of connection, then you can identify someone from your social circle you want to spend more time with. The next step is to reach out and ask them to go for a walk, get a drink, have lunch, or spend an afternoon or evening together. You may have to deal with some ‘no’s,’ but if you persevere there will be success.
Utilize an anchor activity. An anchor activity is choosing something you enjoy doing and then joining a group that already regularly participates in that activity or starting your own. This gives you a very natural reason to spend time with others and build relationships. This strategy can have the added value of regular contact so the frequency can be built in. The only lack of this strategy is the closeness of the connection. You will need to spend time building the relationship to be more than just talking about the activity or the weather. You need to ask about them and then be willing to share about yourself. Quality of connection is important.
Be curious about those in your social circle and get to know them better. We all have a few people already in our social circles. Who within yours could you reach out to and deepen your relationship? Ask them questions and really show interest. During this process, you might learn about activities they are doing and you can try, thus building new relationships. Again make sure you are building connections by connecting on a deeper level than just being an acquaintance. Regular time together on a connected level is essential.
Be fully present during interactions. During any interaction give the people around you full attention. Take out the earbud, turn off the phone, turn off the television and fully focus on the human in front of you. This will give you the connection needed and allow another person to feel seen and heard in a world where we often feel invisible.
Ok, it is up to you, get out there and increase your social fitness. Make it a goal to improve this area in the coming year. If you are in the Idaho Falls area we are going to try and do at least 1 activity a month to build connection and would love to have you join us.
Here is a photo from our last community meet-up. We had a great time snowshoeing outside in wonderful weather, going to get some Indian food at a local restaurant, and then spending some time crafting our own winter scenes on some mugs.
