How to Avoid Financial Infidelity
Do you know what the three most important skills for having financial intimacy are?
A relationship where both partners are completely honest, transparent, and open about money equals financial intimacy. Financial intimacy isn’t about having full harmony and agreement on every financial decision but about having a conversation in a productive and calm way where everyone feels heard. 43% of adults report they have been financially unfaithful to their partner.
Financial infidelity is making a large purchase, hiding debt, withdrawing cash, or any other financial matter which is done in secret. Some experts report this can have a greater impact than sexual infidelity due to the mistrust and insecurity that come with dishonesty around money and financial security.
So how do we talk about money, seek financial intimacy, and avoid financial infidelity?
We have to talk about money. Early into a relationship, there needs to be a conversation surrounding financial goals. As the relationship progresses that conversation needs to go deeper into how we manage money, what large debts are out there, and what financial obligations are present. While this might have an impact on either partner’s decision to move forward with the relationship it is a conversation that needs to happen for all parties to feel safe and not blindsided later on.
We need to make a plan around money where there is compromise. Remember the principle of Aikido we have to yield to win. So come to the table with your top 2 or 3 core needs around money and then be willing to compromise and create space to hear your partner and make a plan each of you can get behind and support. Write out this plan in as much detail as possible. There are no musts, shoulds, or have tos here. Do you want to combine bank accounts or not, how are you managing money together, how often are you reviewing the budget and financial plan? Those and many more questions need to be decided during this meeting.
Follow through on whatever plan you made with full transparency. Set a weekly or monthly time to visit and follow up about how the plan is working. You need to be fully transparent and accountable during these meetings. During this time it is easy for defensiveness, criticism, and stonewalling to come up. Use communication skills to have this be an effective conversation of coming together and not pushing away.
Hire a professional financial planner if you are unable to have this conversation to start with. Having a third-party outside perspective can be helpful in making a plan and deciding the best path forward as a couple. The professional will also set up a time to review financial goals and bring transparency into the conversation if this is needed.
Remember the 3 most important skills for having financial intimacy are transparency, communication, and compromise. In relationships where those issues can be addressed and compromise reached, financial pitfalls can be avoided and become a place of strength instead of conflict.
Good luck making these amazing changes to your life and relationships, and.. Thanks for reading I appreciate you!
Penney
The topic of money can bring up a lot of feelings between you and your partner. When you sit down to have your conversation about financial goals, plans, and money management you will need to find compromise with one another. Luckily we have a great podcast episode all about how to find compromise in relationships for you to listen to and prep for your conversation. 👇