Ep. 29 Trustworthiness vs. Trust: Crafting Unbreakable Bonds in Love
In the realm of relationships, trust and trustworthiness lay the foundation upon which intimacy and connection are built. Episode 29 of "Untangling Relationships," hosted by Janae and Penney, delves into these critical elements, providing listeners with a deep understanding of their meanings and implications within romantic and other relationships. Exploring Trust and Trustworthiness Trust, as discussed by our hosts, is the belief in your partner's commitment and their unwavering support. It's about feeling secure that your partner is "all in," dedicated to the relationship without doubts or hesitations. Trustworthiness, on the other hand, extends beyond trust, embodying the willingness to prioritize the relationship's needs over one's own. This distinction lays the groundwork for a deeper exploration of how these concepts manifest in relationships, especially romantic ones. Grounding their conversation in the research and insights from John Gottman and Dan Silver's book, "What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal," Janae and Penney navigate through the complexities of trust and trustworthiness. They bring to light how even in new relationships, where trust may be high, trustworthiness needs time and actions to flourish fully.
Week 1: Theme of thought: remembering why you chose them:
Each day write down one reason why you fell in love with your partner.
Week 2: Theme of Thought: How am I focusing on changing I to WE:
Spend the week focused on the We’s instead of the I’s. Write down daily the things you have in common, beliefs and values you both share and mutual goals you support each other around.
Week 3: Theme of Thought: Remembering the magic of the love story.
Spend the week writing down daily the beautiful moments in your love story then and now.
Week 4: Theme of Thought: Loving the culture of our relationship
Write down daily what are the things in our relationship that I am proud of and enjoy.
Week 5: Theme of Thought: What makes this person the perfect partner for my journey?
Spend every day writing down one reason why your partner is the one you chose and continue to choose to be your partner in life.
Week 6: Theme of Thought: Looking for things to appreciate.
Write a love letter each day to your partner and you can choose to share them or not.
Week 7: Theme of Thought: Continuing to build connections and prioritize the relationship.
Make a plan to go on a romantic activity together in… One week, One month, 3 months, 6 months , and 1 year.
Good luck and remember we are all in this together and making the best of every day we have in our relationship.
Ep. 29 Trust and Trusworthiness
[00:00:00] Welcome to untangling relationships, a conversation between a counselor and a yoga teacher, a gen X-er and a millennial and a mother and daughter. Join us as we explore the ins and outs of relationships with your hosts, Janae and Penney. Hi and welcome. Yeah, welcome to episode 29.
We are going to be talking today about trust and trustworthiness in relationships. Yep. So we're going to be talking about. The differences of between trust and trustworthiness and kind of giving good definitions, and then also doing an overview on how to build more trust and trustworthiness in your relationships. we're gonna be focusing mostly on romantic relationships for this episode, but the concept of building trust and having trustworthiness within your relationships. Is key for all the relationships.
So, We'll go ahead and get started with some of our questions. and reflections. Yeah, we're going to lean heavily in this episode on definitions. , from research that John Gottman has done. In the love lab [00:01:00] as he has really honed in and scientifically. Really he's done measurements and scores around trust and trustworthiness and what those are.
So we're going to rely on those definitions. So let's start by giving those. So we all have the same. Definition around what we're talking about. Yeah. And I will also just say these we're going to be reading excerpts in the definitions from, , the book by John Gottman and Dan silver called what makes love last, how to build trust and avoid betrayal.
Yeah. So that's what we're referencing for this. , so yeah, the first question is what is trust? So trust is how deeply, , you're in the relationship and how much you have each other's back. So as we're talking in romantic relationship, I trust you. If I believe you're a hundred percent in, you're not one foot in one foot out or doubting the relationship. And that you have my back and I know you're going to be there for me. So the idea that you trust your partner, that they are all in.
[00:02:00]
Yes. A hundred percent of your back.
Yeah. Yep. And then, , I like that he says in the book, like this is somewhat like splitting hairs, but there is a difference between trust and trustworthiness. So the next question is what is trustworthiness? And the definition for trustworthiness is the willingness to sacrifice for the relationship. to put your own needs on the back burner because your partner matters most.
So this is the idea around this relationship and what goes into this relationship? Our primary. They're number one. And I'm willing to not take care of me sometimes to take care of you, or I'm willing to say, sorry, friends. I can't go out tonight because my partner needs me. Or, , the goals that we have together, maybe more important than goals that maybe I had before we were together as a, as a partner.
So it's really that idea of being willing to sacrifice and put relationship first. Yeah. And I thought it was really interesting in his work. That you talk about. New couples [00:03:00] in a new relationship or new marriage. , They might have. High trust, but low and trustworthiness. Yeah, because you're in a new relationship.
So it's like, I know you have my back and I know that you're, you're in at a hundred percent and you're choosing me, but I also haven't had chances for you to prove that you'll put the relationship first. Yeah, a lot of questions around like, , Will you choose to. Prioritize the relationship over other people in your life and things like that. Will you be here for me? , will you remain faithful to me. Uh, will, I come before your family. We had a little bit of a conversation earlier around second marriages, and which definitely has come up in my own because we both had children previous.
And it isn't. Like with a platonic family or an atomic family that like, we are the primary unit as a couple.
And then our children, we both have equal love and care for. Um, it's very different than that in a blended family. So it definitely can impact that trustworthiness score. You have to find other ways to manage around [00:04:00] that.
Yeah. So the last question is what are the main differences between trust and trustworthiness? I think that for me, what my understanding is, is like trust. There's a little bit of a. In the beginning and inherent level of trust between you two, because. You're both choosing to go in the emotional vulnerability of being in the relationship.
And then you build trustworthiness over time through your actions. Yeah.
So that's what my understanding is, I don't know if you have anything to add to that. Um, I think for me just looking at that.
The difference between like you have my back and you'll put the relationship first. I can see where those are splitting hairs and I think can get confusing. But I also think it makes sense, like, If it's me against the world, you're going to be with me. Uh, but if it's our relationship in front of other things in your life, will you put our [00:05:00] relationship first? Um, to me, those are different because putting the relationship first versus putting me first. Feels not the same thing. Splitting hairs, but different. Yeah.
For sure. also like that. You know, John talks about how trust is the foundation of love. So without trust, We don't really have anything to build off of. , and we'll talk about this further down in the, in the episode, but. When we. Feel like there's a lack of trust or lack of trustworthiness within a relationship. It deeply impacts the way that we are interacting with each other. A hundred percent. Which makes sense.
All right.
So we're going to move into some tips on how to build more trust and trustworthiness in your relationships. And this is all coming off of the idea from the book, , from John Gottman and that. He talks about. Creating and maintaining the [00:06:00] sacred. , so all that. Penney. Go ahead and read that expert excerpt from the book.
This is from page 14 of the book of how to build trust in. And what have you travel? I love this. I think it's beautiful. So when couples are trustworthy, they send each other the message. That they in the partnership are unique and irreplaceable. During couples counseling. I call this creating the sacred because sacred and sacrifice have the same brute.
Both words originated in the religious practice that involved sacrifice as a form of worship. And a long-term committed relationship sacrifice and tells both people agreeing to give the romance priority. Other. Uh, over other goals and dreams. And I love just the idea of creating the sacred. Uh, I think there's a lot of things to pull into this, not just the relationship is sacred, but this is the person that I choose to worship with.
Um, so bringing the sacred means, I look at our love and romance and our love story as something that is beautiful and it's a magical story and it's a sacred [00:07:00] story because it's our story and the relationship that we have and that we create every day. I love and worship because we're looking at it from a spiritual perspective, but the way he worded it, but really it's this idea that this is a beautiful thing. That I love and want to have it.
I want other people to have, because it is fantastic. Right? So worshiping that relationship and, and seeing all the part of it that are envious and then other people would be jealous of. And. How your partner is the best partner because they do these things. Or maybe they're not perfect, but I can accept their imperfections. Because I love them.
And I see all of the other fantastic things about them. All of those are part of creating the sacred that we are looking at it as a beautiful, sacred thing that we honor and we're grateful for. And that we see the beauty around. And that's the magic of that love story that we have, that we created, that we continue to create and that we. Um, had once upon a time and get to still continue with yeah.
And I think a real [00:08:00] key to that mobile is the first sentence of on couples are trustworthy and they send each other the message. That they end, the partnership are unique and irreplaceable. So your partner is constantly telling you and showing you that. The relationship. Is irreplaceable. You're a unique person.
You're the one that they chose to be with. They wouldn't want to be with anyone else. And, you know, like I really liked how he phrased that. Yeah. He leads up from here, , in the book, if you choose to read the book into how that plays into infidelity, that. affairs happen when we start to have a breakdown of trust and trustworthiness, because it isn't because, oh, I find that person attractive it's because I no longer see our relationship is sacred and I start to build sacred with someone else.
Um, they're kinder to me. They're nicer to me. They looked at me more. They gave me more attention. And when we start to compare the. The this thing to our sacred thing and our, our thing becomes less sacred. It becomes a lot [00:09:00] easier. to start to create something sacred with somebody else, because it seemed more beautiful and like a better love story.
Yeah. , he goes on within the quote to saying that learning to, , to have to rebuild trustworthiness and view the relationship as sacred. He said, learning to do is maybe difficult for couples who no longer connect emotionally. As these partners may have coped with years of unhappiness by leading separate parallel lives. And it can be hard to break that habit. But it isn't entirely possible. Or it is, it is possible. You can do this. , it's hard, but it is doable. Yeah, I like that. You know, we've all seen couples where it's like they're together on paper, but they're not together.
No. Um, because they've lost the sacred. There are no longer holding sacred space for their relationship for each other. And you can definitely see how that trust and trustworthiness plays into that trust. Meaning. you're unique, right? And you, because I [00:10:00] see you as a unique person, I have your back and I'm going to be in your corner all the time. And because our relationship. Is irreplaceable. Right? Our partnership is unique. And then I have your back because you're a unique person and our partnership is irreplaceable. Nobody can ever do anything better than this. , does that trustworthiness piece, I'm always going to put our relationship first because it is the most irreplaceable thing in the world. And I'm going to value it and treat it that way. And then infidelity comes when we see that it is less irreplaceable. And something that could be thrown away for something else that we're building with someone else that could be. The irreplaceable thing. And it's not an irreplaceable relationship because if you've pulled away, And you're still married on paper, but you're not together. Emotionally. You put your emotions somewhere else. And maybe that isn't an infidelity that might be with friends that might be with family that might be with work that might be with a team or sports, but it's going somewhere.
The energy is going somewhere. So something else has become the sacred for you.
So the antidote, if we're talking about [00:11:00] tips and ways to combat this. , it goes back to that fondness and admiration. Uh, if we are fond of our partner and we admire them. And we admire and are fond of our relationship. We have trust and trustworthiness, right? Because you have, those are synonymous.
If I'm fond of it, then I think it's unique and irreplaceable. And if I admire it, I think it's unique and irreplaceable and I'm going to be behind it a hundred percent. And I'm going to put it first because it's irreplaceable. so fondest admiration art is the antidote for being able to come back from that.
So we can talk again. I know we've talked in other episodes about building and fondness and admiration. We're going to maybe do a little bit of a different take like a seven week challenge on how to rebuild fondness and admiration, but that's something that has decreased in your relationship. That's less of a couples activity.
Although I would strongly encourage both couple, but both parts of the couple to do this together. Um, but more of a seven week, let's rebuild this mentally because it's become a mental shift for us that we've moved away from seeing our partner [00:12:00] as unique and our relationship is replaceable. So we need to focus back on what makes it sacred.
We need to get back to the sacred. Yeah. So we took this seven week challenge from one of the, Booklets that we got from the training that Penney did through the Gottman Institute. we have concise it and.
Officially changed it quite significantly. Yeah. So, I mean the general themes are still there, but we've, we've changed it to make it a little bit more compact and concise so that it's, you know, Yeah. A little bit easier. Um, and also, yeah, so taking the idea, the research that Gottmans have done around what rebuilds fondness and admiration and putting our own spin on it. Sure.
Yeah. So this is a seven week challenge. We're going to read through, uh, each of the challenges week by week, but I will also be adding this to the show notes. and it will probably also [00:13:00] feature in the blog for this week. Yes. I will be sure to link that as well. So you can start this challenge.
Um, even if this is, I mean, well, this is jumping the gun, but we're going to do it this week. We challenged Penney and I, and even if you don't feel like this is necessarily an area in your relationship, you need to work on, it's always good to be building and, and growing strength in this area. I would say this is an area that everybody needs to work on. When you do predictors of divorce and you're assessing a couple, this is the number one thing you're looking for.
Have we lost the sacred. Um, our, do we have fondness and admiration or is that gone? Because if that's gone. Either we have to rebuild it. If we can't rebuild it, it's time to move on to another relationship where we can rebuild it. If the trust and trust trustworthiness are lost and we can't bring it back, we can't be in a relationship because again, love is based on trust.
If we don't trust, we don't love. And we don't believe that the relationship is sacred. It's not a unique situation. We've put our energy somewhere else. Our relationship is over. So, this really is like your [00:14:00] basic building block that has to be there. So even, even if this is not something that you've never considered, like an area that you need to work on, it's a great one for everyone to do it anyway. Yep. All right, so start us off week one. The way you'll do this is we're going to give seven weeks of five days, Monday through Friday, or whatever works for you. At least five days. of journal prompts where you can challenge yourself and do it seven. Where you're really going to focus on the relationship and the things that are good in the relationship to rethink the sacred and rebuild the sacred. Uh, why is this? The reason why I'm in there, its relationship.
Why is it unique? and why is it irreplaceable? So week one. I want you to get a notebook or a piece of paper, however you want to do it. And we're going to write daily journal prompts. We're going to give you the prompts and you can write it out every day. Okay.
So week one, your theme is going to be remembering why we chose them. So this is going back to that a love story, right? Why did [00:15:00] all of the people, as, as Gottman talks about when we choose our partner, We have four people lined up and we say, okay, so they all have their positives. They all have their negatives.
We look at all the positives. We look at all the negatives and in the end we say, It's not perfect, but I think I'd look at live with that. Write up all of the things. I think this is the thing I can do the most. Um, so what is it about your person that, that you chose them? Why did they become that person for you and why do you continue to choose them every day and see them as a unique person? And if that has started to slip and we're not seeing them that way, this is us rethinking that and bringing that back into our consciousness and that cognitively focusing on that. So that's our theme remembering why you chose them.
And each day the challenge is to write down one reason why you fell in love with your partner. So of that list of qualities. What's the reason why did you choose them re visit that love story and that creation of the sacred. Yeah. Very beautiful. Uh, the next week, we're going [00:16:00] to talk the overarching theme of changing I, to we.
So coming at things from the perspective of that, it's you two against the world, right? Coming back to that trust worthy and trust piece of like. You have their back, they have your back. It's not. You versus each other, but it's an I two, a. It's interesting when we do an assessment, for a couple of assessment. And we asked the couple to tell their love story.
What we're really listening for is this point that if what we're hearing is, you know, I saw him and I felt that way. And then he did this to me and then I thought this, and then my mom said this, and then I experienced this. And then the wedding was really terrible because I couldn't find my okay.
And then my. Bridesmaid made me mad. Right? If you listened to that story, it's all. I there's. No, we, in that story. Versus, uh, we had a really challenging wedding day and it was really funny when my bridesmaid did this. And we still laugh about that today, about how, you know, funny our wedding was and how, regardless [00:17:00] of what happened, we pulled through it together. So it's a change of verbiage from I where we're focused completely on ourself to a we around really, we are in this unique, uh, irreplaceable relationship together, and you can hear the change in verbiage with couples.
So we're really watching for that. So, Focus on I versus we are a we and we come in this together. But really the focus is that, um, The sacred unique, right.
It's coming back to the sacred. So remembering that it's not an, I. Uh, but everything about us is a we in this partnership. And where am I focused am I focused on I and my experience and what I'm going through. or I'm focused on us and what we're experiencing and how we're supporting and what we are going through as a couple. Yeah. So the journal prompt before that week is going to be spend the week focused on the we''s instead of the I's. So asking yourself, what are the things that you have in common? what are common beliefs that you have and values [00:18:00] that you both share? and also mutual goals that you support each other around.
Awesome. So week three, our overarching theme is remembering the magic of the love story. so again, this is going back to the, why did they choose them, but focusing really specifically on the love story. So the prompt is spend the week writing down the beautiful moments in your love story then, and now. Uh, what was the date that you went on that was romantic?
Or what was that moment, you know, a year ago when your partner did this thing that you felt so loved and cared for? Or what, how did they propose to you? Well, how did you plan your wedding together? Where did you go on your wedding, who was present at your wedding? Um, what have you done for anniversaries or where did you go on your honeymoon?
So this is like remembering the love story. If you were to do the Disney love story, what would yours be and what would be your happy ever after points?
Yeah. All right. week [00:19:00] four the theme is loving the culture of our relationship. And the prompt is what are the things in our relationship that I'm proud of and enjoy. So, this is the point of this is to try and recognize and value the unique relationship. That you have created with your partner? Um, recognizing how it's different than anyone else's and that there's things that you love about it. and that is irreplaceable and unique.
Yeah. Absolutely. Uh, so week five is, uh, what makes this person, the perfect partner for my journey. So again, going back to that, what, why do I have this person's back? What makes them worthy of me having their back? That they're such a unique individual that I'm willing to do that remembering they're not perfect. We went through the list of here's things that maybe aren't perfect about them, but I can live with that.
That can even be one of your prompts. uh, you know, here's the things that I can live with because it's unique to them and I love them. So I can live with these things. [00:20:00] I also think that the, what makes this person the perfect part. Partner from my journey, I would talk about like, what about Brooklyn makes him perfect match to me to support me through my challenges?
Like what are the good personality things that he brings to the table that are supportive of me? And the challenges that I'm going through or the life path. I'm on. Not a hundred percent. Yeah. How come this person worked best, given his unique. Or her unique aspects that really compliment who you are as a person. Um, A hundred percent.
I would add some of that into mine also, because I think that is why you chose them. Right. So, yeah. So you're going to spend every day writing down the reasons. Where they're the ones that you chose and why you continue to choose some everyday.
All right. I also, I'm going to do a caveat when I do this with couples, I really challenge them. To say. Uh, they make dinner every night. Anybody can make dinner every night. This is something that makes them unique [00:21:00] and things that they compliment or add to your life that only they can do. And, and so I just really want to say that, like, it's not like, no, Should they have great hair.
Anybody can have great hair. That's not what this is about. This is about, um, I, one thing that I really admire and I'm fond of in my relationship with my partner, As I'm someone that does need to be challenged. I don't want. A yes, man, or a go with it person that I need to be, uh, intellectually and emotionally challenged.
And my partner does that. He has always shown up and sometimes passionately where. That sometimes can go badly as long as we can do it in a good way. Um, I'll just caveat with that, but I do like a challenge. I want to have a debate. I want to have a discussion. I want to have someone that can say, oh, you're feeling that way. Uh, let's challenge that a little or let's talk about that.
Or, um, if I'm thinking I want to do this project, I don't want someone to say yes, ma'am, let's do it. I want to hear the, what do you think about [00:22:00] this? And that is something unique to my partner, um, that I love that he does challenge me around all of those. And in all of those ways that I really enjoy. So, so that's an example, whatever the unique point is. Find that uniqueness and put it there. Yeah, I like that caveat. That was important.
Like, yes, it's something that. And specialty your partner. Yeah. Like the car they drive? No, you don't. I mean, maybe you do, but that's not unique to them. This is that. Remember we're creating the sacred, what makes them unique and what makes our relationship irreplaceable? That's the point of the fondness and admiration
all right.
The next one is looking for things to appreciate. Uh, the prompt is going to be, to write a love letter each day to your partner. So the. The whole point of the overarching theme for this week is to use switch from criticism towards appreciation. This is a pretty common thing. And most of the couples work that we do and that the Gottman's teach is around. [00:23:00] Switching away from criticism. And contempt towards appreciation. Um, I think that's pretty obvious why we want to do that.
Um, Yeah, I think so, too. If the writing, the love letter is a challenge. Um, If there's a disability or a reason around that, or there's distance between the two of you and a love letter is difficult. Um, another option for this would be what, um, You can modify it to just a gratitude appreciation at night.
So spent. Five minutes or 10 minutes every night with each of you taking a turn saying here's what I'm grateful for. Or what I appreciate about you today in this moment, right? Yeah. As a journal prompt, you could also write down appreciations. Yeah. Yep. Yeah.
All right. Week seven, um, continue to build connection and, and prioritize the relationship.
Continuing to build the connection and prioritize, prioritize the relationship. My words are not coming well today. Um, so the journal prompt is, uh, we're [00:24:00] going to make a plan to do a romantic activity together. So. The first day that you're doing this, make a plan for next week. The second day that you do this, make a plan for one month from now the third day you're doing this.
Make a plan for three months from now. The fourth day, make a plan for six months for now. And the fifth day do one year from now, if you are doing a six and a seven, you can do a two year plan or a three-year plan, or you can do a, what are we going to do this week? Or what are we going to do in six weeks?
I think you can play with that and decide what you want to do with it. But the point is to make a plan for ways to keep that connection going that, uh, building life dreams is a really important part of Gottman. So we have to be making a plan ahead of ways to keep the romance alive. Yeah, continuing to date each other. Love maps. build rituals of connection.
All of that goes into that. Um, prioritizing your relationship and making plans to, to do that romantic activity. I think that also. The point of making a [00:25:00] plan and taking on the responsibility of thinking about what you want to do and making specific plans. It goes back to that trust and trustworthiness of like, oh, they're still in this relationship.
They're thinking one year ahead, they've got plans for what they want to do and what our life looks like. And they have my back. I'm not the only one planning those things. Like they're doing it too. Like I think that that builds. And the relationship is number one, because they want to spend time with me.
They're not thinking about. Time off of work or I'm so tired or I'm so busy, or I have this thing to do. They're thinking about our relationships. They're making a priority and creating a sacred space for us to have that together. Yeah. What was that? All right. So that's the seven week. Um, like I said, we'll be posting that.
So obviously. We didn't expect you to be hurrily taking the notes. Yeah. So yeah, we'll have that posted. You're welcome to snag that and then do it and let us know how it goes. We're going to be. Popping into social media as well too. share how that's going for [00:26:00] us. The next section that we're hopping into is our, it takes two.
Yep. So how do you trust and trustworthiness impact sexual health and intimacy in the relationship? Oh, wow. In so many ways, right? If you think about, if I don't trust you to have my back or I don't trust you to put the relationship first, how am I going to trust you to see me naked? Or how am I going to trust you to see me vulnerable at the moment of orgasm?
Um, how do I trust you to be kind to me around intimacy and sexual issues? Um, I think, um, how do I trust you to be faithful to me and that I'm not, I'm going to have that moment when I find out you've been with somebody else and how that changes your whole world. Um, so it impacts sexual health in so many ways.
It's really hard.
And I hate this, like women. Love for connection and men make love to connect because I don't think that's always a hundred percent true that that can go both ways for both genders. Um, but if we don't trust someone [00:27:00] to really be emotional, we never really get that full connection that happens. With intimate love making, and there is a difference between. Just having sex and intimacy.
There are differences, right? And what we're talking about is how that trust and trustworthiness can come into true intimacy within your relationship sexually. Yeah, I would like to add on that. That's for looking at the trustworthiness piece specifically of someone's going to sacrifice for you. There's a lot of give and take in sacrificing. Happens in those intimate moments or during sex where it's like, you know, I'm going to give so that you feel good. And then I know that you're going to give so that I feel good.
Like there's a lot of that. Tat tat, tat back and forth. That happens. And if you don't trust that your partner is going to do that, it might hold you. Or if you don't feel like they have trustworthiness with you to keep the verbiage. Correct. Um, that might hold you back from doing that same thing for them.
And that will deeply impact. Both of [00:28:00] your pleasure during that act and like, All of that. The other big piece of this is just being able to have the conversation. Uh, couples have a hard time just saying the word sex and talking about that. The. Their sexual health and their sexual experience and their sexual needs. And so if I don't trust my partner, To see me as unique and beautiful as I am.
And I share with them an intimate fantasy, right. A sexual fantasy. I'm going to think they're going to judge me instead of seeing, seeing me and who I am and what that might mean. I'm in a place of judgment. So this really opens up the door to have conversations around sex. For sure. Yeah. And there's a building of trustworthiness when. I mean, we always go to the sexual fantasy thing, but it could just be any small needs. It doesn't have to be anything. Salacious. Um, yeah, and I, I don't think it's a fantasy has to be salacious.
I think a fantasy can be, um, I am held for [00:29:00] 10 minutes before my partner kisses me or. My fantasy is that I receive a sensual massage. I mean, like fantasies can be anything. This is just like, what do I want as part of our sexual encounter? And how I have always seen that as a desire to have. Yeah. Yeah. Trustworthy. By creating the conversation to ask and then allowing your partner to step up and give you what you want.
And then you're doing the same in that building trustworthiness. Because we can't build trustworthiness unless we allow trustworthiness to be built. If we don't say what we want. Then they can't give it to us. And then we never build trustworthiness. We are stuck. Yeah, because the whole point of trustworthiness, if we go back to that definition, I remember back to it is sacrificing. Before the partner, if you don't know what they want to sacrifice for. You're at a stabbing in the dark.
You get nowhere.
You're going to have a lot of misses, unfortunately, that happens. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. [00:30:00] Sounds ever good reminder to, uh, have conversations around these.
Alright, we're gonna switch gears and we're going to spin the wheel for a body question. So we're switching.
Sorry. I was so excited to spin. A little bit away from, uh, Couples intimacy and more towards, um, personal trust and trustworthiness stuff. And I got an odd, so seven and the odd question is how do you build the body trust in yourself?
Oh, let me think. About how build body trust. So trust, meaning I'm going to have my own back. So I think that would be paying attention. To when you're hurting, when you're tired, when you're hungry, when you have needs, instead of pushing those away and saying. Uh, Nope. That's not happening or giving judgment of why would you be hungry right now?
You're just such a pig. Or why would you, [00:31:00] uh, want to just have a lazy day where you do nothing? Nothing, because you're right. Somebody just says that you're lazy and that must be true. Right? The thoughts that we get stuck in our head that are really shaming. So I think I build trust with myself by not being shaming by having compassion. And by listening.
So we don't shut off those cues that tell me what I need. Nice.
Oh, And then not as well. Yep. Well, it's on the line. Literally. He got stuck on the thing. So you could either go with an, even of a 10 or an odd of one because you are on the thing. Yep. Okay. So how can you bring more trustworthiness? To your relationship with your body? So, if we're talking to you about, um, our definition of trustworthiness around. Sacrificing.
I [00:32:00] think that for me, that would be putting. The relationship with myself and my body before other things in my life. So like prioritizing sleep, prioritizing going to the grocery store so that I have food that I like to eat, that I can nourish my body with packing a lunch before going to work. And. Making sure I have breakfast items.
Like those kinds of things. Um, Prioritizing taking a pause during the work day to do some deep breathing and some little stretches. Um, so I guess it's like putting. My health and my relationship with my body before other tasks that societaly might be considered more quote, unquote important. Yeah.
I love that.
So showing that you will show up for yourself in, put that first. All right. And we switched instead of doing our rapid fire questions, we decided to engage in a weekly challenge instead. So instead of [00:33:00] learning more about us, we're going to challenge you to learn more about you. Well, this was.
It's a weekly challenge to everyone, right?
Yes. Uh, so the weekly challenge is to do the seven weekly challenge. So we just gave you. Um, to do that every week. Start today. I know it's not a Monday, but that's okay. You can start today and wrap it around whatever you need to do, but get started on that challenge and really focus on building fondness and admiration in your relationship.
If you are single and you're not in a relationship. And you can do what we just did around the spin, the wheel body questions. And. make that about you. How do you have those same questions for yourself? How do you find things about yourself? You appreciate, how do you find ways to connect with yourself?
How do you plan. Things that you want to do with yourself. I really think you can take that and spin it and make that a very individual thing or a friendship thing with some tweaks. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to engage with challenge and we'll report back the next episode, how it went. We should be at [00:34:00] least a week or two in by then. And we'll let you know how that goes.
Um, one final thing that I will just end with, um, we are going to be. Starting something fun. If you follow us on social media, you might have seen some, Behind the scenes we've been working on these things for a year now. Um, but we're going to be launching a online course. So if you want to. Learn more about some deeper couples work and get some actionable advice.
And then we're also going to have a live component where you can do. A zoom meeting in a group with Penney and one of our other leaders, to learn. The basics of some couples communication skills. So. We're going to be launching that. About a month from now. I'm going to have a link in the show notes for the waitlist for that. Go join the waitlist. And then [00:35:00] you'll get notified first about that opening and you get a first slot to get into that course. So very exciting. Really happy about that.
Finally, getting launched. It's been a labor of love for our whole team for the past year, but we're really excited and proud of the product that we have to share with you and really excited about the. Impact that it's going to have on your relationships and the way that you communicate with your partner. So look for that in the show notes, go check that out.
Um, Also.
I've decided to pull some archival podcast episodes. So instead of doing every other week episodes for the month, leading up to the launch of our online course, we are going to be pulling some archival episodes around some couples, communication skills. These were episodes that we had put up on Patreon or patrons.
Um, the thing is about Patrion. We really [00:36:00] kind of jumped the gun on that a little bit. I wanted to create a space for the community to flow into. But also realizing about a few months in Penney and I realized we need to create a bigger community to have people flow. So a little bit of a learning curve there, but regardless we have, I think. Five, maybe seven archival episodes that are. Deeper more, uh, actionable steps on some couples communication skills that can be broke down. Very specific breakdown.
Yeah. Yeah. And they're like mini episodes. So you don't have to commit to very long. Or like 20 minutes, 20, maybe the longest one is 30. If we got. a really long tangent, which we have done before. , But, yeah. So look forward to that. We're going to be releasing those. , so you have a little bit more. To learn and get hyped about that new, online courses coming out. So if you liked this episode as always, please share it.
, we love to hear feedback from you [00:37:00] also, if you engaged with some of the weekly prompts, we'd love to hear about it. And yeah. If you liked the episode, share it with other people and help the podcast grow. Yeah. Absolutely. And we'll catch you in our next one. Absolutely. We'll talk to you later. Bye bye.
